Thursday, July 04, 2013


 I promised myself I'd get back to blogging but I've been working a lot.
First I'd like to say this...

Blogging is important to me, even though I'm pretty sure nobody actually reads my blog, because something is wrong with my memory. I don't really know what it is. I know that I've always had trouble with short term memory loss and when I asked my old doctor about it he attributed it to the years of abuse I went through as a child. He said he was possible I may actually have damage to my brain that was causing the short term memory loss. Lately I feel like it's long term too. I sit and try to remember details about things that are special or important to me... but I can't. Things about loved one who are gone and even things about my own children. It doesn't help that when my computer crashed I lost every single photo I've ever taken of my children. I've always known to back them up and I never did. I talked to someone who isn't my doctor but someone who is in the medical field who told me the new longer term memory loss may be a result of my abusive relationship I got out of about two years ago. I've never really talked much about the abuse I went through. I remember that one time he rushed me while I was sitting in a wooden kitchen chair, working on orders for my baby boutique, and he choked me. He bent my next back over the chair back and chocked me until I couldn't see. It seems the things I can clearly remember are traumatic things like that. It's possible the abuse caused further brain damage (assuming there really is some from the abuse I received as a child) or that I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder induced by the abuse and my losses combined. Whatever it is, my memories are sleeping away and it's scary. Gary has to help me a lot because I will sit something down and not be able to find it. I know a lot of people who joke about doing that, but it's not the same. I can set down my phone on the table, immediately turn around, and immediately forget. Then panic. Anyways, blogging is really important for me because one day I might not be able to remember anything. Some things I do not really want to remember so I try to leave them out of my blogs. I definitely want to remember all the good and important things. Things about my family, my children, my angels.

Taking things one day at a time.

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