I Heard Angels Singing

Soooo, the ER went quick and easy will Lily. Much to my extreme disappointment she has lost weight. I seriously cried because I have been working so hard to fatten her up and make sure that she is a nice healthy weight since she is borderline for being in the risk zone weight wise. She had to have xrays of her abdomen to make sure there wasn't an underlying problem that we couldn't see.

Needless to say she didn't really love being held down. Thankfully it showed no internal problems! The doctors concluded that they think Lily is just constipated even though a rectal exam didn't show that she had any blockage and that the stool was nice and soft instead of firm (like it should be). They ended up discharging her and telling us just to get some over the counter suppositories (poor baby), but so far she is still screaming constantly like she is in pain. I had someone tell me condescendingly that babies cry. Lily is my 4th child and our 7th child overall. We know that babies cry! The issue is when a normally happy baby who hardly ever cries changes overnight. I also know the different from a pain cry and any other cry. A pain cry is so much different from other baby cries. Anyway, we are praying that she gets back to normal soon. We will be following up with her pediatrician if she does not improve to see what further steps we can take. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that they didn't find anything life threatening or anything majorly wrong, but when your baby spends the entire night screaming in pain and the following morning doing the same, refusing to eat, and no matter what you do you simply cannot console her... it's a scary place. Especially after going through loss.

Since the hospital was speedy in getting Lily back and then discharging her, we were able to still make it to church after all. As a bonus my niece Grace was there and I got in some extra cuddles, kisses, and hugs before she was taken away to the nursery. The choir did an AMAZING job and I cried during Chey's solo (not that that is surprising) so I am glad it worked out for us to go!



I found my peace listening to these Earth angels singing!
bottow row far left is oldest step-daughter Cheyenne, bottom row far right is my MIL Sue, and top row far right is my step-son Michael. So so proud of them! They did amazing!

When Praying Fails

Gary and I will be missing church tonight and won't get to see Chey's solo...

Something is wrong with Lily and we are going to have to find a way to take her to the hospital. For the past 3 days she has been screaming almost nonstop while awake and refusing to eat much. You can tell that she is in pain and it breaks my heart. Please Lord protect our rainbow baby and help us find a way to take her to the hospital to be seen. This is why we need a working car. :(

I'm missing that constant smile.

We keep praying for things to get better but it seems like almost everyday something else happens. To add salt to the wound I get attacked from people who claim I'm just making it all up. If only! It's been nonstop hardship after hardship for months now. Please Lord we deserve a break! I've been told God is testing my Faith. I have Faith. If you are going to test me that's fine but why torture my children?

Milestones & Mayhem

Lookie what I can do!!

My sweet little rainbow is growing up on my WAY too quickly. At about 12:30am this morning Lily started CRAWLING! The a few minutes later I was cuddling her and she couldn't move. She started pushing at me with tiny hands and demanded, "STOP!!!" Then at about 11:00am this morning she starts holding her bottle on her own. Too much too fast little sweetheart, please slow down!

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Is it really Saturday already? The work week blew by me as usual.
Tomorrow night, my step-daughter, Cheyenne has a solo at church at the cantata (she sings in the choir). My mother in law is coming to pick us up tomorrow at morning service to have lunch with the family and then to go to church for the Independence Day Cantata. I'm so happy that we get to go and be there to support her. I was worried that we would not get to go since the car gave out on us a couple of weeks ago. Gary was actually on the way to the post office for me when the water pump blew. The week before a hose went out and we broke down on the interstate with Lily in the car which was terrifying and made me feel like a loser parent. So, we caved and sent it to a mechanic even though we couldn't afford it and the mechanic said it just isn't worth fixing and that our best bet is to junk it (how's that for an epicly long run on sentence). Anyway, I sobbed like a baby through her last solo because she sung so beautifully and I am so proud of how far she has gone. She may not be my "real" daughter but there is nothing unreal about the motherly love I feel for her. My step-son Michael and my mother in law also sing in the choir. Gary and I had planned on joining as well as soon as Lily was old enough for me to feel comfortable being watched by someone else but now without a vehicle it is impossible. I know if it is in God's plan for us to do it that it will work itself out though.



That spoke to me today. :)

Lil Lynch

Ladybugs. After we had our rainbow baby Lily we kept finding ladybugs in our post delivery room. I know it was my little angels letting me know they were there with me and coming to greet their new little sister. You have to think... we are on like the 10th floor (or something like that) with no opening windows or outside doors. How could several ladybugs made there way into our room? There is no over abundance of ladybugs where we live. In fact, it's rare that I see them at all. 

Potty Like A Rockstar

Nom Nom Nom, still trying to break those teethies through!

So, let's face it, grief is so much easier when you have a rainbow baby...

although another child can never replace what you have lost.

Fast Forward

So much has happened! I cannot believe it's March!
Lily ended up coming early on November 26th, the day after we moved!
It's hard to believe she is now 3 months old!
I'm going to try to get back into blogging again. :)

Day 8 of 30 Days of Being Thankful

Today I'm thankful to be pregnant.

(21 weeks & 5 days ultrasound)

I'm thankful to still be pregnant with baby Lily.

After 5 first trimester losses every day is an accomplishment.

I'm officially 2cm dilated and will be 37 weeks tomorrow.

I'm also thankful each time we hear her strong healthy heartbeat

and each time I feel her kick, hit, and elbow me.

I can't believe my journey with my pregnancy is almost over

and that a new journey with our little rainbow baby is about to begin.

Today I got the hospital bag half packed and by tonight it should be ready.

Day 6 of 30 Days of Being Thankful

Today I'm thankful that the United States Presidential Election is OVER
I don't care who wins, didn't have time to vote,
AND I am sick of everyone arguing over it.


(Personally, I think Ron Paul is the man. Or Batman. Just sayin'.)

I posted this on Facebook today as a status update on my personal page:

"I sit and watch my friends raving and ranting over the candidates.
Slamming one over the other.
Posting rants, insults, hate, and surely raising their blood pressure.
Arguing with people that are suppose to be their friends
and picking fights on friends pages.
I've even had friends try to bring me into political debates.
I just want to say set better examples for your children.
Stop spewing so much hate. Stop fighting with each other.
Independent thinking is what makes us unique and special.
As for me, I'm trying to keep a sweet baby girl baking until her due date
so fighting over which candidate is better isn't on my agenda.
Have a blessed day!"

I was shocked to see that,
not only did nobody bash me as expected,
a lot of people reposted my status update
(although they took out my line about Lily).

I guess I got my point across. :)

We Saw A Rainbow

Today we got to see our little rainbow baby for the first time.



What is a rainbow baby?

A "rainbow baby" is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth.

In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.

The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colourful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery."We lost our last pregnancy, but now we have a rainbow baby."
-The Urban Dictionary


We found out we are exactly 9 weeks and 4 days along.
The tech said we much has conceived within only a couple weeks after losing Lil Lynch.
We heard a good strong healthy heartbeart; the best sound in the entire world.